So... First journal of the year. That's an achievement right there, I reckon.

A lot's happened over the last year, but I must confess, laziness has kept me from posting... That or a blatant refusal to believe that anything I've done is of any interest to anyone who doesn't already see me too often in person.

Still, I feel compelled to write something now. Mostly for my own benefit, but also partly to satisfy my destructive ego in more twisted ways than one would think possible. Thus, this journal will merely be a ramble post consisting of snippets of thoughts, feelings, events, news, etc. As always, in list form

- Let me start with something general; Life is awesome. I may complain about this and that further down, who doesn't, y'know? But generally speaking, this is my genuine sentiment. When I think about how things were this time last year, and the year before that, I can't help but smile at the progress of my emotional, physical and social health. On some level, I'm still a right mess, but at least now I feel I can get through whatever shit storm comes around, safe in the knowledge that I have real friends to support me. People I love and trust, who never intentionally make me feel like an inconvenience and a burden, and who never fail to make me feel looked after. With these guys, I can't help but feel the luckiest person alive.

- Education wise, last I updated, I'd been a month out of High school and very much keen on staying away from book learning for a while longer. Now, I'm 2 weeks from the end of first year Uni. Exams kick off on Monday, and here I am not studying, hardly surprising, really. I'm starting to doubt my decision on career path, thus doubting my choice of course (Electrical Engineering). Depending on how I feel in 2 weeks, I may either take a light semester, or if things are looking really bleak, just transfer to an arts degree. I have a love/hate relationship with my classes. Mostly hate. Too much programming. Whose bright idea was it to throw people of absolutely no programming experience into C++ ?!

- Speaking of the Arts; this is going to be a long one. I haven't done much in the last 3 months. A few sketchy scraps and, more recently, a poster for a gig. I have, however, done a bit of writing. VERY little of it will ever see the light of other computer screens, but I'm naively hoping that the little that does surface will be cryptic and vague enough to not get me into the sort of mess that inspired the drabbles.
I wrote some feelings down a while back, and cleaning up my computer found this little paragraph amidst pages and pages of whiny teenage heart ache. It is also whiny, and heart-achey, but what struck me about it is that it actually fills my head with images, ones that one day I'd like to maybe get down on paper and share.

It felt like my chest was on fire and all I could do to try and put it out was drink. One glass became two, then two became three, and three became a bottle. With every drop I felt 6 months of repressed anguish, anger, sadness and unrequited attraction bubble to the top and melt away my protective layer of denial. I felt lost. And still the wine kept pouring. I was drowning in self loathing and disgust, unable to quite comprehend, after everything, just how naive and moronic I had been.

I have a feeling that soon I'll be back to drawing; recent developments in my social life (or more the surprise that I have one) seem to have wiped away some of the mathematical and logical dribble clogging up my desire to impress people. Also, I may have scored a gig illustrating a Richard Scarry-esque comic called "What Do New Media People Do All Day?", aswell as the web comic I'm supposed to be doing with my friend, Richy... If "more important" things would stop cropping up. One a related note, Richy and I were supposed to meet to talk about this comic a couple of months ago, but he got massively drunk the night before and slept right through the entire day, effectively standing me up. Here's a video of his apology (AN: He is massively drunk in this video):

[link]

Aah! Good times!

- MUSIC! Not much happening there, either. I've picked up the harmonica. And "Screenwriter's Blues" by Soul Coughing is awesome. Oh, hang on... I'm seeing the Pixies in March! BAM! My excitement appears to be growing exponentially.

Final thoughts before signing off:

- I need to be more open and forward with my feelings, otherwise, I'm never getting laid again.

- Would like to decide where I stand on the whole relationships thing. Dominating verdict thus far; it ain't for me. This will undoubtly change soon, as loneliness and attractive people are EVERYWHERE!

- Living in the city is fantastic. I love my parents, but I love them so much more when they're 1.5 hrs and 60km away.

- The Boondock Saints II is coming out in the US on October 30. The wait for it to hit Australian cinemas may well drive me to do something stupid... Like taking a day trip to New York.

- Possibly a new art thing on the way really soon. And perhaps my very own website.

Props for getting through to the end

xTank